The first thing that harms love is misbehavior and anger. If the wife uses coarse language and gets angry with her husband, then her words will be like a slap on the husband’s emotions. Similarly, if the husband is ill-mannered, his initial misbehavior will strike a blow to the love of the woman. And if the trend continues for long it will destroy the love between them, and then love will turn into abhorrence and hate. It is very important that we refrain from tongue-lashing at home to maintain the atmosphere of love and affection.
I have said repeatedly that if a man or a woman has the habit of using offensive and abusive language, then they have no character. Allah, the Prophet (s) and the Imams (a.s.)have strongly disapproved of this habit.
One person was a constant companion of Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (a.s.);wherever the Imam (a.s.)went, the person followed him. One day the Imam (a.s.) was traveling and the person was with him too. Due to the fatigue of travel, the person’s slave was falling behind. He called for the slave, but he didn’t hear the master. Even when he called for a second time the slave didn’t hear him. Now the person got angry and shouted profanities at the slave calling him the illegitimate issue of his parents. When the Imam (a.s.)heard the use of foul language, he sat down and pressed his hand to his forehead as a mark of displeasure. Then he said, “You have accused the slave’s mother of adultery! I was thinking all the time that you are a good person while, in fact, you are not!” The man said, “O son of the Prophet (s)! The slave’s mother is a foreign idolatress!” The Imam (a.s.)said, “Every nation has some norms of matrimony. From today you have no right to be with me or travel with me!” The narrator said that from that day he never saw the man in the company of the Imam (a.s.).What lesson do we draw from this narrative?
When someone abuses his child or wife in anger, even if they are at fault, he will earn the displeasure of Allah. This abuse takes a terrible human form and will be with the person in the Barzakh, and on the Day of Reckoningand put him to shame!
Ayesha was once sitting with the Prophet (s).Two or three Jews came there with the purpose of ridiculing the Prophet (s).One of them passed near him and mispronounced the greeting as “Asam alaikum!”meaning, "death on you.” The Prophet (s) replied, “Alaikum!" Meaning, “I wish the same for you!” Ayesha was upset at the impudence of the Jew but kept quiet. After a while another Jew came and repeated the same act. When the third Jew came and did the same thing, Ayesha lost her cool. When someone gets angry, it becomes difficult to be patient and just. In her anger she said, “What are you saying you sons of pigs!” She had remembered from the Holy Quran that the Jews are the people whose ancestors had become pigs.
The Prophet (s)was angry at her utterance. He said, “Ayesha! What have you done?” She said, “You are seeing what these mischievous Jews did?” The Prophet (s)said, “Whatever they said was properly replied to by me. There was no need to abuse them!” He then added, “Ayesha! Don’t you know that an abuse, if it takes on a form, it will be a very ferocious thing and will chase the person in the grave, in Barzakh and on the Day of Reckoning.”
يَوْمَ تَجِدُ كُلُّ نَفْسٍ مَّا عَمِلَتْ مِنْ خَيرٍْ محُّْضَرًا وَ مَا عَمِلَتْ مِن سُوءٍ تَوَدُّ لَوْ أَنَّ بَيْنَهَا وَ بَيْنَهُ أَمَدَا بَعِيدًا
On the day when every soul will find itself confronted with all that it hath done of good and all that it hath done of evil (every soul) will long that there might be a mighty space of distance between it and that( evil) (Sura Ali- Imran, 3: 30)
This means that all the good deeds that you do during your lifetime will accompany you on the Day of Reckoningand your bad deeds will accompany you too, but they will have such terrifying forms, that the person will be ashamed. The Holy Quran says, on that Day these persons will utter, “How I wish there was a great distance between me and my foul deeds!” Therefore, a Muslim has to take care to control his angry outbursts and abusive language.
Among the maxims of Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (a.s) there is one that he has specifically said about the Shias.He said, “O Shias! Be upright in your morals! Your behavior should prompt others to say in appreciation that you are the followers of Imam Sadiq (a.s.)!It is not befitting for a lady to use abusive language against her children and the husband or others.
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